I’m about three weeks into my new job, and I must say, I’m still enjoying it.

It has definite advantages over, oh, all the employment I had in 2008. My Boss is decidedly un-crazy, and a good manager of people. This is a joyous change from my last perma-Boss, from Green Nonprofit. The work is interesting, but not especially challenging. That’s OK. I’ll take steady and important and not-that-hard, as long as there’s a decent paycheck, a pleasant workplace, and good benefits.

Now that I am making a little more money and budgeting (oh Quicken, how I love thee) for 2009, I am wowed by how hard 2008 was. I’m planning a few purchases that I had planned for in 2008, but have had to put off. None of them are terribly exciting or large: paint for the upstairs bedrooms, a new mattress/ box spring, some edging for the garden beds. It feels good to be able to think about and actually plan little projects for the house. Last year, all I could do was look around my mostly empty home and wistfully daydream.I just held on for dear life, paying the mortgage, and hoping that all my hard work at looking for a new job would pay off.

It has, thus far.

-------------
*Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
--Emily Dickinson

I’ve been viewing myself as an Underemployed Temp Worker for so long that it’s going to be difficult to change my mindset. Also, my job search struggles have been good blog fodder for a long, long time.

A lot of stuff has been on hold for the past year. There are a few home improvement tasks, simple things like painting and hanging curtains, that have just had to wait. I’ve not taken any real vacation since fall of 2006, when I visited my mother. Sure, I took a week off to move in 2007 and was not working for about 6 weeks in early 2008, but those hardly count as “vacation.”

I’ve been in this holding pattern for a long time, searching for jobs, stressing about money, worrying. My new opportunity won’t fix all that ails me, but it’ll go a long way toward reducing my stress and boosting my esteem. It’s been hard to be told “no, we don’t want you” repeatedly over the past year. I’ve learned humility and some patience, but the cost has been high.

I’m looking forward to some time where I can actually enjoy my life instead of merely grinding it out, trudging through it day by day. There’s not been a whole lot of that recently. Some of that has to do with the depression I suffer from, which doesn’t get any better in the dead of  Michigan winter (and doesn’t get better when someone has no insurance and needs meds, but that’s another post entirely). A lot of it just has to do with how I am wired. I just find it hard to let go and let loose and have a little fun, when I’ve had so much hanging over my head. I’ve had to be uber responsible, and you know… that can be a real drag.

I really only have one New Year’s Resolution. It is to engage in activities that will enrich and invigorate me. I’m not sure what those will be, quite yet. I’d like to exercise more. I miss some creative things I used to do like crafting and drawing. I’m very interested in going back to school. I love to garden and grow stuff. I want to carve out time and energy to explore some of those things again.

I’m going to have plenty of time to think about these things over the next few days. We’re going to be getting some more snow, and I find shoveling snow from the driveway very contemplative.

It had been 310 days since I had lost my full time, benefitted gig. I’d been on 32 face to face interviews and numerous phone screens. I estimate I’ve answered the “What are your weaknesses” interview question over 50 times.

Finally, it all paid off. I was offered a job on Friday.

The pay is good. The employer is actually thriving in this tight economy. The benefits are amazing. O health insurance, how I have missed thee. (sniffle) I really, really like my prospective boss. I think I’ll be able to learn a lot from her. This job is a departure from my previous career path, which is scary but  exciting. It will point me in the right direction when I go back for a Master’s Degree later this year.

Oh yes, tuition reimbursement… come to Lisa.

It really hasn’t sunk in yet. I got the call on my cell phone on Friday afternoon while at my temp gig. My coworkers were ecstatic. They were clapping in glee and hugging the stuffing outta me. They have seen me schlepping my suit and heels and hose to work so that I could change mid-day to go to interviews. They have listened to me tell job search war stories, laughing politely and occasionally groaning and saying,” Lisa you didn’t really say that, did you?” I think they were as ready for me to move on as I was.

Today is the first Sunday in a year that I haven’t searched the local want ads online.

Today is the first day in a long time that I feel hopeful. It feels good.

I spent a fair bit of my early adult life working in retail. I worked my way up from Worker Elf to Manager of a very busy store. I worked my share of Black Fridays, so I can speak of them not only from the perspective of experience, but now, distance.

Those Fridays sucked.

The “Black Friday Phenomenon” wasn’t a phenomenon at all in the 1990’s, when I was in the trenches of retail sales. We sales associates called it Black Friday for having to deal with the teeming hordes of people who would come through our places of business; those masses were enough to blacken anyone’s mood. There were sales to be had, for sure, though not at the establishment I worked at, which was famous at the time for only having one sale a year, after Christmas.

I remember well the crowds of people. I remember trying to get through the packed store to the break room so that I could unwind for a few minutes. Once there, my coworkers and I traded stories of shopper meltdown and unreasonable demands. No one really seemed happy. The sales staff would have preferred to have been home with their loved ones. The shoppers weren’t exactly having fun, either. They were marking items off their lists, grinding the gift purchasing out and getting it done.

All I knew at the time was that Black Friday kicked off a six week period of very long days. Product couldn’t get onto the floor fast enough, and everyone’s nerves were frazzled. It wasn’t merry, and it wasn’t jolly. It was ho-ho-ho-rendous.

I did earn a lot of overtime during those holiday seasons. Thank you FLSA.

In the years since leaving retail, I make it a point to NOT visit a store on Black Friday unless it is absolutely necessary. I guess it’s my own version of Buy Nothing Day. I’ve ventured forth in previous years for cold medicine and such, but I stay home if I possibly can. There’s no deal out there that could lure me into a hotly crowded store. There’s no bargain that could make me feel OK with plunking an item on a counter and enduring the tired stare of an underpaid sales clerk who hasn’t had a break in way too long.

Now, to those who went out and nabbed that huge flatscreen television for a song today, good for you. I truly hope you got an awesome deal, and that you paid cash. However, I was content to stay at home, read, do a little laundry, and think about the coming holiday season with quiet anticipation, not wild-eyed frenzy.

Sort of a continuation of this post:

I’m sad about the fact that I relate to this so much:

I did love being a student. I loved to read and extract the ideas, put them in a historical context, spin them together with something new…

…None of that matters in my job, and it doesn’t matter in the majority of the business world. I’m sure there are companies and positions where it does matter, but the reality is that once you leave college, nobody is asking you to make a business of having an informed mind, questioning the way your mind works, or finding an outlet for your creativity. That’s been the truth I’ve found anyway.

–from “Students: No One Is Going to Pay You For Your Intellectual Curiosity”

Is this why I’ve felt I was beating my head up against the wall most of the time at jobs that I’ve had? The way my mind works is that I want to constantly stretch myself. I read widely, not only online but those Olde Fashioned Bookes. I like to apply what I learn to what I do. I am almost always on the lookout for ways to do things better, cheaper, faster, without sacrificing quality.

(throws up hands) I guess I have two paths I can choose from. I can continue to cram myself into roles that aren’t compatible, just because that’s what’s commonly available in the workplace. I can put up and shut up, put my head down, and mumble “thanks” for my paycheck. Or, I can be a maverick, and try to subvert the status quo.

Subversion appeals to me, but dang… I got a mortgage. It’s tough to be a rebel when you got responsibilities.

I’ve been reading over the past few posts on this blog, and I’ve noticed that I’m coming across as kinda crabby.

Well, maybe it’s because I am. Crabby, that is.

I’d love to be able to maintain a placid demeanor and not let my frustrations bother me. I’d love to examine them, like a piece of litter in the street, and toss them away without a care. I do, indeed, try to do that. I do accept a lot of crap at face value, and can let it go.

But, you know…sometimes you toss that piece of litter, and the wind pushes it out of the receptacle and down the sidewalk. And then you gotta chase it down the street, because, littering is bad, m’kay?

That is all.

Somehow, I received an email this morning from my most recent ex-husband. I say “somehow,” because the salutation was “Friends and family.”

I can assure you I am neither to him.

Anyway, the email wasn’t much of anything. It was a “hey! I’m switching jobs, here’s my contact info yadda yadda.” But the tone was all him, friendly and smart-ish.

I don’t miss him, not after what transpired.

It is amazing, though, how I experienced Lisa’s Three Types of Feelings, the ones I like to call “good, bad, or wierd” all in a rush. Just from a dinky little email that essentially meant nothing.

The sentence “Lisa’s job search hasn’t been going too well” may very well be the understatement of the year.

I’m annoyed at recruiters who don’t bother to actually read my resume. I’ve grown weary of dragging my suit and pumps to my temp gig so I can change in the middle of the day and go on interviews. I’m not amused with being “one of the final two” and not being the one getting the job. Repeatedly.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and have decided to broaden my job search dramatically. I’ve been honing in on Human Resources positions, because that’s my area of expertise. Apparently, the southeastern Michigan market is glutted with folks with more experience than myself. So, I’m jumping ship.

I’ve been really enjoying the financial management and accounting aspects of the temp gig I currently have. And, I’m good at it. It’s like I can see where the numbers are supposed to go, and how they fit into the Big Picture. I’m good with technology, no matter what it is.  I’m going to capitalize and market these skills in place of some of the others I have.

There’s just no sense continually beating my head against the wall. If you don’t want me- a smart, well educated, financially savvy, strategic thinker? M’kay. I’ll just find a profession that does.

Well, my job search is still stagnant. My temp gig plods on.

I’m restless.

I’m trying to be grateful for what I have. There are thousands of people here in Michigan who cannot find work of any kind. Even though I’m bored out of my skull, I’m getting a paycheck every week.

I just wish there was more opportunity. I have good ideas. I’m smart, creative, and a hard worker. I love change and strategy and planning. I’m not afraid to get my hands a little dirty. I have actual experience in my field, a decent education, and professional certification.

I look online for jobs constantly. I have two headhunters out there looking for gigs for me. I am signed up with four different temporary placement agencies. I make my networking phone calls religiously. I email.

None of those techniques are successful when there are no open positions out there.

Read the following blog post. Repeatedly.

“Why Didn’t You Hire Me?” at the Evil HR Lady. (Sssssh…her secret is that she isn’t really evil.)