I’ve been viewing myself as an Underemployed Temp Worker for so long that it’s going to be difficult to change my mindset. Also, my job search struggles have been good blog fodder for a long, long time.
A lot of stuff has been on hold for the past year. There are a few home improvement tasks, simple things like painting and hanging curtains, that have just had to wait. I’ve not taken any real vacation since fall of 2006, when I visited my mother. Sure, I took a week off to move in 2007 and was not working for about 6 weeks in early 2008, but those hardly count as “vacation.”
I’ve been in this holding pattern for a long time, searching for jobs, stressing about money, worrying. My new opportunity won’t fix all that ails me, but it’ll go a long way toward reducing my stress and boosting my esteem. It’s been hard to be told “no, we don’t want you” repeatedly over the past year. I’ve learned humility and some patience, but the cost has been high.
I’m looking forward to some time where I can actually enjoy my life instead of merely grinding it out, trudging through it day by day. There’s not been a whole lot of that recently. Some of that has to do with the depression I suffer from, which doesn’t get any better in the dead of Michigan winter (and doesn’t get better when someone has no insurance and needs meds, but that’s another post entirely). A lot of it just has to do with how I am wired. I just find it hard to let go and let loose and have a little fun, when I’ve had so much hanging over my head. I’ve had to be uber responsible, and you know… that can be a real drag.
I really only have one New Year’s Resolution. It is to engage in activities that will enrich and invigorate me. I’m not sure what those will be, quite yet. I’d like to exercise more. I miss some creative things I used to do like crafting and drawing. I’m very interested in going back to school. I love to garden and grow stuff. I want to carve out time and energy to explore some of those things again.
I’m going to have plenty of time to think about these things over the next few days. We’re going to be getting some more snow, and I find shoveling snow from the driveway very contemplative.